Waiting.

I went on a job interview today for a small family practice. The office manager was nice and very methodical. It's part time but at this point in the game I'll take anything!

The interview went well (I think). I hate interviewing. I feel awkward the entire time. I've been coached on what to say and the questions are usually the same but I can never just act like myself. I'm so focused that it feels like I'm in a play and I've forgotten my lines. As I drive home, I replay the conversation in my head and cringe at the things I said or maybe forgot to say. I think the three months of no offers makes the feeling more intense. Especially during moments like this:

Office manager: Do you have any questions or concerns?
Me: (silence) Um, I don't think so.
(cricket noises)

AHHH. I've come to find that job hunting/interviewing is very much like dating. You spend hours getting ready, fixing your nails, hair and makeup, buying new dressy clothes, rehearsing conversations etc. You go out looking your best, trying to casually show your awesome bits, hoping you are charming the pants off of the interviewer. You're confident that you're making all the right moves. Then the absolute lowest part hits...

"You are a great prospect and we'll let you know about our decision."
This is the point where you wait, obsessing over a phone call that you might never get. The kiss of death.

When I got married, no scratch that, when I was dating my husband I thought my obsessive phone call days were over. Apparently I was wrong. Only one interviewer has ever called me back (to tell me that I was not getting the job, by the way). The others just never call back, leaving those jobs in nowhere land.

Okay, maybe this is a little imaginative but it's really hard not to take these rejections personally. It's getting even more difficult to stay optimistic.