She works hard for the money!

I love my new job. (Thank God).

Can you imagine if I hated my job after two days? After all that time searching?!

All kidding aside, I really do love the job. I'm slowly learning my responsibilities and the staff is incredibly nice/supportive. The entire office is electronic and that's my favorite part. Electronic medical records are the future but a lot of doctors haven't upgraded yet. (I don't blame them, electronic systems are scary expensive.) There was only one class that specifically dealt with this, so having an opportunity to work with a fully functioning electronic system is awesome! At heart I'm kind of a geek.

It's a weird feeling knowing that this is my "grown up" job and my school days are over. It's a bit hard to describe...a cross between amazing and surreal. There are times in your life where you think "this is it. I'm not a kid any more." I always assume that I'll never say that again. I moved out of my parents' house...adult status. I got married...adult status. I finished college...adult status. Now here it comes again! Starting a job in a field I'm actually trained for...adult status.

Will this be the last time I feel this way?  Probably not. 

Sunny Side of the Street....

I finally got a job!

My interview on Friday went really well and the position is mine! I can't describe how great I felt when I got the call. All my nervousness and annoyance just slowly faded away. Of course I won't make a ton of money because it's part time but it's a good job and it'll be a good boost. Ugh, I sound so practical! When did that happen?! I guess it's a part of growing up and being an adult.

I have to say that it added some sun to my week after only losing one pound. In retrospect, I've really lost seven pounds in two weeks, which is a big deal. But when I weighed in Monday I couldn't help but feel disappointed. No one said this was going to be easy right? It was really difficult for me not to give in to my emotions. I've always been an emotional eater, so breaking that habit is going to be a lifelong challenge. But I think in my heart I'm really dedicated to this change. I was able to get through Monday without breaking my promise (although I will admit that it was an especially long day). I stayed on course and wound up making a delicious dinner. It restores my faith in myself that I can control my impulses. Just admitting my faults is huge. I always know they're there, but actually facing them is a new, scary step, and half the battle.

So with a new job in sight, I've been on a mission to get as many activity points as possible this week. I want to keep moving. And, I'm trying two new recipes this week. One is weight watchers specific, the other was half mine and half Giada deLaurentiis.

I've watched Giada on and off throughout the past few years. I used to watch Everyday Italian with Mom all the time. I recently started watching Giada at Home and now I'm a little obsessed with it. I love watching people cook, it is really soothing and inspires me to get back in the kitchen. A lot of her recipes are full of veggies and with some minor tweaks I think they're Weight Watcher friendly. That was the case Monday night. I made my first attempt at stuffed peppers and they were delicious! I left out some bits of her recipe and added a few of my own and the result was awesome. It was full of power foods and had a decent point value.

How awesome do those bad boys look?

Tonight I'm trying the second recipe. All signs point to delicious. =)

Waiting.

I went on a job interview today for a small family practice. The office manager was nice and very methodical. It's part time but at this point in the game I'll take anything!

The interview went well (I think). I hate interviewing. I feel awkward the entire time. I've been coached on what to say and the questions are usually the same but I can never just act like myself. I'm so focused that it feels like I'm in a play and I've forgotten my lines. As I drive home, I replay the conversation in my head and cringe at the things I said or maybe forgot to say. I think the three months of no offers makes the feeling more intense. Especially during moments like this:

Office manager: Do you have any questions or concerns?
Me: (silence) Um, I don't think so.
(cricket noises)

AHHH. I've come to find that job hunting/interviewing is very much like dating. You spend hours getting ready, fixing your nails, hair and makeup, buying new dressy clothes, rehearsing conversations etc. You go out looking your best, trying to casually show your awesome bits, hoping you are charming the pants off of the interviewer. You're confident that you're making all the right moves. Then the absolute lowest part hits...

"You are a great prospect and we'll let you know about our decision."
This is the point where you wait, obsessing over a phone call that you might never get. The kiss of death.

When I got married, no scratch that, when I was dating my husband I thought my obsessive phone call days were over. Apparently I was wrong. Only one interviewer has ever called me back (to tell me that I was not getting the job, by the way). The others just never call back, leaving those jobs in nowhere land.

Okay, maybe this is a little imaginative but it's really hard not to take these rejections personally. It's getting even more difficult to stay optimistic.

Morning Frustrations

Looking for a job is one of my least favorite things to do.

I get really stressed when paying the bills. Being a single income household is tough, especially in this economic disaster. We have to budget every week for everything. It's exhausting having to plan every purchase and coordinate every financial move. To try and help me feel less frazzled, I keep trudging through the job listings but so far nothing.

I can't even explain how aggravating it is. I worked for so long to have this damn degree and I feel like it's useless. Especially when this degree was not my first choice! It was a "safe" option to get me a job that would be flexible and take a little pressure off the finances. My long term goal was to have this job and bulk up our savings so I would have more freedom to build up my Etsy shop and do more vintage/antique business with mom-in-law. The fact that three months have gone by with only dead end leads is leaving me very discouraged. So as I'm searching and stressing and budgeting I have to wonder when will it all end?

I think one morning of fruitless job searching is enough for one day. I'm at least grateful that we have money for bills, groceries and something frivolous every now and then. But one of these days I hope that I can catch a break.

Just a little something.....

My husband sent this to make me laugh.....

Hey it's 2012!

So here I am blogging once again. Will I stick with it this time? Who the hell knows. I've decided to write about everything. I'm not compartmentalizing my life any more. It's time to just be me and face everything my life throws at me.

My Etsy shop is still up and running. I've had only a handful of sales but I'm rolling with the punches here. So I'm sure there will be dozens of ramblings about the various adventures I have in vintageland.

I finished my Associate's Degree in November and can now find a big girl job as a medical assistant. However, this job market is awful and I've had a handful of fruitless interviews. I'm even applying for receptionist jobs, anything to get me into the medical field. It's not my absolute dream job but it's a job that I can enjoy and will pay the bills. I worked really hard to get my degree in almost half the time and really hope that it's not in vain.

The biggest challenge for me this year was my decision to join Weight Watchers. For too many years I've struggled with my weight. I've always been the chubby girl, the girl who learned to laugh before others could, the girl who has an emotional relationship with food. For the past four years especially I have not been honest with myself and sank into a food depression that has left me exhausted and fed up. I'm tired of waiting for this magical day when I'll instantly be happy and healthy with my body. I'm sick of not looking in the mirror. I've made a thousand excuses and now I'm doing the right thing. I want to feel beautiful again. I've wasted enough time being a prisoner to my weight.

Sounds awesome right? Well, it's not easy. Last week was my first full week. Some days I was really excited. I was making healthy choices and loving every minute. I tried kale, chick peas, fish, and egg whites. I was determined to be more active. Then there were the hours I felt hungry while my body adjusted to this new change. There were moments when I cried my eyes out because it was so hard and the road seemed so long. The days where I wanted a snack so badly I thought I was going crazy. Like I said, it was not easy. However, I made it through. For the first time in my life my determination won over my weaknesses. I went to my meeting today and giggled when the receptionist told me I lost 5.8 pounds. In one week I lost almost 6 pounds. It may not sound like that much but it's incredible. 6 pounds I'll never have to carry again. (Hopefully). It gives me something to think about when I want to throw in the towel and never eat a salad again. It gives me the courage to never look back.

I want to look at my life and be happy. I never want to look back and regret.

That's what's been on my mind lately.