I'm so glad I went back to WW today. I was tempted to run away because I was convinced I had gained 5 pounds.
I had lost 2.2 pounds for a total of 18.6.
Pays not to run like a coward, am I right?!
Today I am going to listen to Iggy Pop and dance shamelessly. I think I deserve it.
4.25.2012
4.23.2012
Spinning Free
"Music washes away from soul the dust of every day life." - Berthold Auerbach.
I first read that quote as a teenager and it has stuck with me ever since. I have always believed music was the perfect salve for my soul. On days like today where my mood is all over the place and I feel like there's an amoeba in my torso freaking out, music helps me cope. It doesn't solve anything. I know that the craziness I feel will have to be dealt with eventually. However, there is a blissful serenity in losing yourself to the strum of a guitar or the sway of a harmonica. The familiar words wash over you and for a moment the world stops. I'm not a musician but I can safely say that I feel the music in my bones.
Maybe the rest of you aren't as fanatical as I am.
Today started out well enough. It was raining all day which never bothers me. The rain is comforting to me. Work was busy but manageable. This coming week is going to be a good one. Much goings on which I will describe later. I think my eating was under some control. I didn't count my points exactly but I didn't eat crap either. I wish I could say that I was nervous about going back to WW this week but I'm not. I know whatever happens I will deal with it. I'm not sure why I feel so blah.
Okay that's a slight lie. I'm having issues accepting the long road ahead. I have a very impulsive nature. This often leads to impatience. I don't mean to be impatient, it just happens. Keeping the strength to push for something so precious is really exhausting. (Husband would probably call me a broken record right about now.) I know what I want and I feel like I've been working my entire life to get it but it's always just out of reach. I want to know why I can't be content with what I have. I'm grateful for all the blessings in my life but there's always a little whisper in my heart that says "what about this?" It changes at the different stages of my life. It was being old enough to drive, then graduating high school, waiting for my boyfriend to propose, then patiently waiting the year and a half for our wedding. Buying a house, finding a job, lose 100 pounds, waiting to afford the ridiculously shiny iPhone. Becoming a mom. Etc. Do we stare so much at the future we can't wait to get to that we forget to live every moment? Am I going to achieve every single thing ever and still wish for more? Am I that selfish?!!
After letting my mind run a couple laps on the crazy track, I decided to turn to music. It works every time. Life seemed to stop spinning and I could get a grip. I think I'm going to trust my heart to fate. If things I dream of are meant to be then they will happen in their own time. I can't control everything and the more I try the more I freak myself out. It goes against my "go with the flow" attitude.
I better charge my iPod. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
I first read that quote as a teenager and it has stuck with me ever since. I have always believed music was the perfect salve for my soul. On days like today where my mood is all over the place and I feel like there's an amoeba in my torso freaking out, music helps me cope. It doesn't solve anything. I know that the craziness I feel will have to be dealt with eventually. However, there is a blissful serenity in losing yourself to the strum of a guitar or the sway of a harmonica. The familiar words wash over you and for a moment the world stops. I'm not a musician but I can safely say that I feel the music in my bones.
Maybe the rest of you aren't as fanatical as I am.
Today started out well enough. It was raining all day which never bothers me. The rain is comforting to me. Work was busy but manageable. This coming week is going to be a good one. Much goings on which I will describe later. I think my eating was under some control. I didn't count my points exactly but I didn't eat crap either. I wish I could say that I was nervous about going back to WW this week but I'm not. I know whatever happens I will deal with it. I'm not sure why I feel so blah.
Okay that's a slight lie. I'm having issues accepting the long road ahead. I have a very impulsive nature. This often leads to impatience. I don't mean to be impatient, it just happens. Keeping the strength to push for something so precious is really exhausting. (Husband would probably call me a broken record right about now.) I know what I want and I feel like I've been working my entire life to get it but it's always just out of reach. I want to know why I can't be content with what I have. I'm grateful for all the blessings in my life but there's always a little whisper in my heart that says "what about this?" It changes at the different stages of my life. It was being old enough to drive, then graduating high school, waiting for my boyfriend to propose, then patiently waiting the year and a half for our wedding. Buying a house, finding a job, lose 100 pounds, waiting to afford the ridiculously shiny iPhone. Becoming a mom. Etc. Do we stare so much at the future we can't wait to get to that we forget to live every moment? Am I going to achieve every single thing ever and still wish for more? Am I that selfish?!!
After letting my mind run a couple laps on the crazy track, I decided to turn to music. It works every time. Life seemed to stop spinning and I could get a grip. I think I'm going to trust my heart to fate. If things I dream of are meant to be then they will happen in their own time. I can't control everything and the more I try the more I freak myself out. It goes against my "go with the flow" attitude.
I better charge my iPod. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
4.17.2012
Civil Duties
Tomorrow I take on one of the responsibilities of being an American citizen...jury duty.
Is it awful that I'm praying to not get picked? I'm actually very annoyed that I have to spend my entire day off at the court house. I spent quite a few of my youngin' days at the court house and ever since I have not been fond of them. No, I was not a juvenile delinquent. My Mom was a court reporter and occasionally I would go to work with her. For those of you not familiar with court personnel, a court reporter (technically stenographer) is the person listening to court proceedings and writing it verbatim in short hand.
As a young whippersnapper, I thought Mom's job was easy. She can type wicked fast and all she had to do was listen to people. When she retired last year I really thought about her job. She had to sit for hours, listening to multiple people and recording every single word or sound. Every thing that happened in the court room was her responsibility. No daydreaming, no taking a break whenever you felt like it. Also she had to be able to read back on the spot, in short hand no less! I had to take a transcription class and I was able to get most of the translation right, with furious rewinding/forwarding. I can't imagine doing it in real time.
Not to mention the content she had to record. Some trials were your run of the mill stuff. Then there were murder trials. These trials were especially long and tedious. No doubt Mom could tell horrific tales if she wanted to.
I always found the court house to be a slightly interesting, creepy place. Mom's office had a window, with a great view of the jail across the street. Eating my lunch and being able to see the jailbirds sitting in the windows with their orange jumpsuits was always a strange experience. There was always someone new to meet. Sheriff's officers, clerks, court reporters, secretaries, and judges. The secretaries were always really nice and let me use their loud typewriters. Judges had to be respected and were a pretty big deal. Some were friendly, some not. The sheriff's officers always identified me by my mother. However, no matter who they were there would always be the inevitable, "I haven't seen you since you were a baby!!"
One of the downsides of her profession was that I could not get in touch with her always. While most kids have one phone number to remember, I had an index card. This card was a long list of contacts who I could call to track Mom down and pass on a message. She had break times and a voicemail but most of life's needs don't always fall in those times. If I had to track her down I at least wanted the message to be important.
As I catch up on my reading tomorrow and wait for the end of the day, I'm sure I'll be thinking of all these memories. I have to hand it to Mom, she made a difficult job look easy.
Is it awful that I'm praying to not get picked? I'm actually very annoyed that I have to spend my entire day off at the court house. I spent quite a few of my youngin' days at the court house and ever since I have not been fond of them. No, I was not a juvenile delinquent. My Mom was a court reporter and occasionally I would go to work with her. For those of you not familiar with court personnel, a court reporter (technically stenographer) is the person listening to court proceedings and writing it verbatim in short hand.
As a young whippersnapper, I thought Mom's job was easy. She can type wicked fast and all she had to do was listen to people. When she retired last year I really thought about her job. She had to sit for hours, listening to multiple people and recording every single word or sound. Every thing that happened in the court room was her responsibility. No daydreaming, no taking a break whenever you felt like it. Also she had to be able to read back on the spot, in short hand no less! I had to take a transcription class and I was able to get most of the translation right, with furious rewinding/forwarding. I can't imagine doing it in real time.
Not to mention the content she had to record. Some trials were your run of the mill stuff. Then there were murder trials. These trials were especially long and tedious. No doubt Mom could tell horrific tales if she wanted to.
I always found the court house to be a slightly interesting, creepy place. Mom's office had a window, with a great view of the jail across the street. Eating my lunch and being able to see the jailbirds sitting in the windows with their orange jumpsuits was always a strange experience. There was always someone new to meet. Sheriff's officers, clerks, court reporters, secretaries, and judges. The secretaries were always really nice and let me use their loud typewriters. Judges had to be respected and were a pretty big deal. Some were friendly, some not. The sheriff's officers always identified me by my mother. However, no matter who they were there would always be the inevitable, "I haven't seen you since you were a baby!!"
One of the downsides of her profession was that I could not get in touch with her always. While most kids have one phone number to remember, I had an index card. This card was a long list of contacts who I could call to track Mom down and pass on a message. She had break times and a voicemail but most of life's needs don't always fall in those times. If I had to track her down I at least wanted the message to be important.
As I catch up on my reading tomorrow and wait for the end of the day, I'm sure I'll be thinking of all these memories. I have to hand it to Mom, she made a difficult job look easy.
4.06.2012
Goodness...
It's April! When did that happen?
I'm happy to say that I am down 16.5 pounds. Pretty awesome right? It doesn't seem like much to me but I can't help giggle when I tell people and their eyes almost bug out of their heads! It helps my ego a bit to hear "WOW, that is so great!" Shallow, I know! There were two weeks when I only lost 0.8 and I wanted to flip. It's annoying to be so close to a full pound and yet so far.
Now that April is here I can't wait to walk every where. I try to take a walk every day. That definitely doesn't happen. Some nights I get home at 7:30 pm and all I want to do is eat dinner and be a couch potato. I've been a slacker this week but let's face it, there's always a week that is hellish and work seems never ending. I'm happy that I made it through and so did my exhausted hubby. Every day is a new day right?
I'm tempted to start a vegetable garden this year. (Have you seen the price of gas lately?) However, one thing makes me hesitate. I don't like to dig in the dirt. Now, I love flowers and gardens but I prefer to take the supervisory role as my husband does the actual digging and weeding. I'm pretty sure this hesitation comes from my absolute loathing of insects.
I keep my distance from any thing that buzzes and/or creepy crawls, and by distance I mean screaming and running like there is no tomorrow. I also think we have a bunny in the neighborhood and I don't want him stealing my veggies. (I know there's fencing but we all know they manage to find a way.) Although, he is a cute little fluffer.
I hope I can get myself back on track with my exercise. My birthday is in a few weeks and I'll be seeing a bunch of family and friends. It would make my year if I could show them that I have changed. If I broke 20 pounds before my birthday maybe I would have more confidence.
I know my family and friends love me. But, there's always that little nagging fear of what they say when you're not around. (That sounds awful but I guess we all have our obnoxious self-conscious moments.)
I'm happy to say that I am down 16.5 pounds. Pretty awesome right? It doesn't seem like much to me but I can't help giggle when I tell people and their eyes almost bug out of their heads! It helps my ego a bit to hear "WOW, that is so great!" Shallow, I know! There were two weeks when I only lost 0.8 and I wanted to flip. It's annoying to be so close to a full pound and yet so far.
Now that April is here I can't wait to walk every where. I try to take a walk every day. That definitely doesn't happen. Some nights I get home at 7:30 pm and all I want to do is eat dinner and be a couch potato. I've been a slacker this week but let's face it, there's always a week that is hellish and work seems never ending. I'm happy that I made it through and so did my exhausted hubby. Every day is a new day right?
I'm tempted to start a vegetable garden this year. (Have you seen the price of gas lately?) However, one thing makes me hesitate. I don't like to dig in the dirt. Now, I love flowers and gardens but I prefer to take the supervisory role as my husband does the actual digging and weeding. I'm pretty sure this hesitation comes from my absolute loathing of insects.
I keep my distance from any thing that buzzes and/or creepy crawls, and by distance I mean screaming and running like there is no tomorrow. I also think we have a bunny in the neighborhood and I don't want him stealing my veggies. (I know there's fencing but we all know they manage to find a way.) Although, he is a cute little fluffer.
I hope I can get myself back on track with my exercise. My birthday is in a few weeks and I'll be seeing a bunch of family and friends. It would make my year if I could show them that I have changed. If I broke 20 pounds before my birthday maybe I would have more confidence.
I know my family and friends love me. But, there's always that little nagging fear of what they say when you're not around. (That sounds awful but I guess we all have our obnoxious self-conscious moments.)
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