Here we go again.

For the past year and a half John and I have toyed with the idea of adopting a child. For a while it never seemed like the right time or one of us wasn't quite ready to accept that particular challenge. After all, we are quite young. Despite all that, this idea never truly left my mind.

There are a thousand reasons to have or not have children. I know my Mom would say we are so young and have plenty of time. I'm sure others would not understand my reasons for adoption. John wasn't sure in the beginning if he wanted to explore that route. We've had many (emotional) conversations about this. We've always known kids were in our future. The difficult thing is deciding when the future becomes the present. The idea that our child is out there, waiting for his/her parents to find them tugs at my heartstrings.

Now, there are a lot of things we need to figure out. Finances, my job, where in our teeny house this child will fit! I don't want to wait on these things. Yes, I have a long journey to go with my weight loss. Yes, we have bills and a tiny house. Yes, I just turned 26. Yes, I am completely terrified of giving up my "alone" time with my husband. But these things do not change how I feel.

John and I have been back and forth on this. I think I secretly made a pact with God (even though He and I don't always see eye to eye), I said "Please give me a sign!"

I don't know if He's given me a sign. I know that John said to me on Mother's Day that we should start the process, even if it's just getting more information. For the first time ever, he started searching the wilds of Google for adoption information. Let's just say I was a little nervous to get excited about this.

Today we requested information from two agencies that are affiliated with SWAN (Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network). All I can do now is take a leap of faith. The optimistic, fairy tale believer inside of me says that things will work out in their own time. I anticipate there will be many obstacles and people will not understand. However, if I want this with all my heart then there is nothing that can stop me.